A Submissive’s Bill of Rights

This piece came originally from CastleRealm.com, which is sadly no longer available.

This actually applies to all people, whether in D/s relationships or not, but since so many submissives in particular seem to lose track of these notions, it’s a good list to remind yourself of your basic rights with.

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A Submissive’s Bill of Rights

– You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word “submissive” describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being.

– You have the right to respect yourself as well.

– You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.

– You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else’s. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later. Continue reading

On Monogamy and Taking Care of Your Partner

There are many definitions of monogamy out there. Here’s mine, along with the ways I think that committed partners in a monogamous relationship should take care of each other – or at least what my own needs are.

Upon rereading it after writing it, I suppose it’s also about how I think that mature people should behave in relationships.

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One man and one woman (or two of each, depending upon your sexual preferences) – a couple, with no one else involved on any kind of intimate level.

Two people who have sex only with each other.

Who only play with each other.

Who only even overtly discuss sex or play with each other, other than in general terms.

Who do not flirt overtly with others.

Who cut off the flirtation if someone else starts it, or when they realize that they may be doing it themselves.

Who actually do recognize when, in fact, such flirtation is happening, and when it has moved beyond the completely innocent to something more suggestive.

Who understand that deep, searing eye-locks and overt, explicitly sexual and D/s-charged exchanges are not innocent flirtations, but open come-ons that will hurt their partners.

Who do not develop intimate emotional connections with others that might encourage the other to think that there might even remotely possibly be any other possibility other than purely platonic friendship.

Who make sure that clear boundaries are set with other people to ensure that there are no misunderstandings about the nature of the friendship.

Who make sure to back off and explicitly and overtly set the issue straight when they notice that another friend or acquaintance is responding in a way that indicates a belief that there is more to the relationship than there is, or a desire for more.

Who actually do notice when these things might happen, and have an awareness of when and how they do.

Who fully understand the D/s and other emotional buttons that can be pushed that would trigger someone else to believe that there might be something else possible – and who make sure to *not* push them with anyone but their committed partner.

Who have enough control over their own reactions and behavior to make sure that they do both notice and cut things like this off if they start, and who preferably don’t even let them get started in the first place.

Who do not engage in any other kind of seductive behavior with other people, especially if their partner is uncomfortable with that.

Continue reading

How to Raise a Disobedient Submissive

Something humorous that floats around the ‘net that is very much food for thought. My additional comments follow, or are added in italics, adapted from a FetLife post, and expanded upon here.

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Submissives, by nature, wish to please their Dominants. It’s an integral part of being a submissive. Sometimes, though, Dominants seem not to really want obedient submissives by the mere fact that they do the following things. So, Dom’s if you are having a difficult time getting your submissive to disobey and act-out here are some helpful hints:

1. Always Be Inconsistent: One of the first things you can do to confuse and disorient your submissive is to constantly change the rules. If yesterday they had to ask to sit on the furniture, then don’t make them ask today. Now, tomorrow when they don’t ask, be sure to punish them strictly! Or better yet, tell them one thing, then turn around and tell them something different. Either tell them when their rules are changing or leave them to guess. Just letting them guess as to what their rules are is a sure way to get them to misbehave.

2. Don’t Consider Them As Individuals/Human: This is a subtle one. When you’re making rules, make rules based around the personality of someone else you know. Don’t think of them as human at all. Treat them like property, like you’ve most likely read on a site. If your sub is a morning person, insist they stay up til 2am each night. If your sub is a vegetarian, make them only eat meat-based dishes, and if they refuse to eat their dinner, make them go hungry. Your sub will begin nodding off to sleep, especially if they have to get up early in the morning, and then you’ve got yourself a real disobedient sub.

3. Have Unrealistic Expectations: Insist that after your submissive works 2 shifts you have them cook a three-course meal. And if its less than 3 courses, punish them severely. This will make them want to serve you even more.

4. Completely Ignore The Way The Human Body Works: If they swallow your cum count that as all their meals for the day. If their bottom is welting and they call a safeword to tell you that it’s gone beyond good pain, ignore them and continue on (after all all pain is the good kind, right?). Only allow them to sleep 2 hours a night. Insist on a nude slave all the time, ignoring the temperature of the day and their body’s natural temperature. Continue reading

About This Blog – Please Read Before Anything Else

This blog is about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions about BDSM and relationships, both in general, and based on my own experiences, preferences, and beliefs, as well as my observations of others and hearing countless numbers of their stories from the time I first came into the scene in 2001.  It will contain both general information as well as personal rants and diatribes at times, as well as humor.  I also intend it to be a compendium of information on abuse vs BDSM, and abuse in general.

If you have constructive comments to make, and are willing to be polite in expressing disagreement or to engage in intelligent, respectful discussion and debate, then your comments are welcome, and I look forward to lively discussion and building a community.  If you just want to argue or tell me I am wrong, or that you are offended by something I say, I will not publish those comments.

If you are offended by anything I say, think you might be, or just don’t like how I write or the kinds of things I say and discuss, you are invited to just leave and not return. No one is forcing you to read any of this.

There will be no pornographic material or discussion on this blog, or erotica, so please look elsewhere if that’s what you are seeking.

Please look at the “About This Blog” page for further information, including copyright notices.