Do You Mind Your Guy Looking at Other Women?

I think there’s also the “how is he looking” issue for women. If a guy is looking in an appreciative “wow that’s a good looking woman” sort of way – I think women are more “understanding” about it. If he’s looking in the “omfg I’d bang that in a heartbeat!” and has drool rolling down his chin …. yeah, not so much.

Definitely, @cola.  Ditto if he’s looking at her with a “Come hither” or “On your knees” kind of look directed at her, especially if she responds to it.

It also depends on who started it, and how it progresses.  Looking briefly and then looking away?  No problem. Looking any way he wants at women that are untouchable like cheerleaders, models in magazines, actresses in films, etc.?  Even passing strangers on the street he’ll clearly never see again?  Also no problem.  Heck, I’ve always pointed these types out to my men myself because their reactions amuse me.

But heavy flirting, lingering looks and drooling over women he’s face to face with or having direct personal contact of any sort with?  Mutual eyelock and undressing/ravishing?  Verbal/written evidence of a less-than-purely-platonic interest?  Especially when she is someone we will routinely encounter in person?  Fuck no.  Those are all into cheating territory in my book.  And cheating is a form of abusive behavior. Continue reading

Angry Husbands Linked to Depression in Wives

http://tinyurl.com/2fclwld. A very interesting new study shows that angry, hostile behavior by husbands results in a much higher incidence of depression in their wives.

It seems intuitive, but research documentation is validating and has some interesting implications.

The reverse, however, is dramatically less likely, with no significant correlation found for men. Women are clearly much more dramatically affected by how they are treated in relationships than guys. Find a depressed woman and there’s much more likely to be partner abuse of some sort behind it.

I wonder if research would show the same in relationships between unmarried couples. I’d be willing to bet it would. Most materials on domestic violence don’t differentiate the effects according to marital status at all, although they also show that men are *vastly* more likely to be abusive than women, and any hostility from women towards their partners is most frequently a *reaction* to that abuse rather than a primary behavior.

It would also be interesting to see the impact in a d/s context, although I doubt we’ll ever see such a study. I’d bet that a lot of doms’ complaints about noncompliance from subs may well be rooted in depression and/or abusive behavior by the dominants themselves. Certainly I have observed an anecdotal correlation in hundreds of reports from subs in the near-decade I’ve been in the scene. Depressed and/or abused women are likely to have less ability and/or even desire to comply with an abusive dominant’s wishes. Attempts to comply with his wishes or to otherwise mollify his anger may be less effective as well. Certainly research has shown that no matter what a woman does if involved with an abusive man, it is unlikely to stop the abuse, and even attempts to comply and placate may actually aggravate him further. This is because his abusiveness comes from within himself, not from external causes, including his partner. Abusers abuse their partners with or without provocation.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/11/domestic.violence.personality/ – Abused women have 2-1/2 times the depression that nonabused ones do.

Many other reports and studies implicate implicate intimate partner abuse as one of the most common causes for depression, and among women in particular.