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I Miss… I Don’t Miss


Every morning I still awaken with the thought of how much I miss you, how much I want to be with you again, how much I miss being in your arms.

And then my mind changes course, and I correct it with the new thought what I miss is the good parts, not the bad. And I try to remember what they all were… Continue reading

Criteria For a Play Partner

When I think of the phrase “play partner” per se, that to me automatically implies something casual, not a relationship per se.

For a casual play partner, I don’t have really set criteria, except that I must like them (usually platonic friends beforehand), usually must know that they are exceptionally skilled players, and know them well enough to have reason to believe that I can trust them to respect my limits, keep me safe, and not injure me.

Similar kinks are critical, at least enough of them to create a good scene, even if it’s only one single activity – and sometimes I will seek out a particular top or dominant precisely for that specific activity.  As long as they’re willing to respect my hard limits, I really don’t care if they share them or not for a casual scene.  I’ve also got to have at least a basic level of attraction to at least something about them physically as well as mentally, and not think they are totally revolting.

Every situation is different otherwise.

I will actually not play casually at all any more with someone to whom I am wildly attracted – especially if I might see him as potential life partner material unless he is legally single, monogamous, and on the same basic page as I am with respect to both play, life, relationship preferences, availability to be in a relationship, and a whole lot more that falls more into the criteria I have for a life partner type relationship, which are definitely more extensive than for a casual play partner.  At that point, I’m going to want to get to know him better overall first, before I play with him, like as in actually dating. Continue reading

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On Monogamy and Taking Care of Your Partner

There are many definitions of monogamy out there. Here’s mine, along with the ways I think that committed partners in a monogamous relationship should take care of each other – or at least what my own needs are.

Upon rereading it after writing it, I suppose it’s also about how I think that mature people should behave in relationships.


One man and one woman (or two of each, depending upon your sexual preferences) – a couple, with no one else involved on any kind of intimate level.

Two people who have sex only with each other.

Who only play with each other.

Who only even overtly discuss sex or play with each other, other than in general terms.

Who do not flirt overtly with others.

Who cut off the flirtation if someone else starts it, or when they realize that they may be doing it themselves.

Who actually do recognize when, in fact, such flirtation is happening, and when it has moved beyond the completely innocent to something more suggestive.

Who understand that deep, searing eye-locks and overt, explicitly sexual and D/s-charged exchanges are not innocent flirtations, but open come-ons that will hurt their partners.

Who do not develop intimate emotional connections with others that might encourage the other to think that there might even remotely possibly be any other possibility other than purely platonic friendship.

Who make sure that clear boundaries are set with other people to ensure that there are no misunderstandings about the nature of the friendship.

Who make sure to back off and explicitly and overtly set the issue straight when they notice that another friend or acquaintance is responding in a way that indicates a belief that there is more to the relationship than there is, or a desire for more.

Who actually do notice when these things might happen, and have an awareness of when and how they do.

Who fully understand the D/s and other emotional buttons that can be pushed that would trigger someone else to believe that there might be something else possible – and who make sure to *not* push them with anyone but their committed partner.

Who have enough control over their own reactions and behavior to make sure that they do both notice and cut things like this off if they start, and who preferably don’t even let them get started in the first place.

Who do not engage in any other kind of seductive behavior with other people, especially if their partner is uncomfortable with that.

Continue reading